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THE REV REVIEWS: Sever (11.12.08)

By Reverend Rogue Six

(Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following are purely those of the columnist.)

If you know Drowning Pool's "Bodies", you know this line: "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor.."

That song could have easily served as the theme for SEVER, because bodies hitting the floor seemed to set the pattern for the night.

Things started off with none other than Justin Diaz coming out to the ring. He took the mic and started off with saluting Dover's football team as they played in the first round of the state playoffs this same night. He went on to talk of his North American title match with "some guy named Johnny Gun", reminding folks that if they didn't know who Johnny was, he'd be "the other guy in the ring" with Diaz. (Thank you for clearing that up, o master of the obvious...)

Diaz then mentioned how MCW had been recently accused of "having to pull strings" to win their matches, that they weren't playing fair. (Hmm...wonder where that came from...)

To alleviate any suspicions, Diaz said that tonight he would give his power as owner over to an interim commissioner, who would be in charge of the night's matches. The interim commissioner would be none other than...Shasta!

Shasta? Shasta? (Okay, THAT was definitely one out of left field...)

"Commissioner" Shasta came to the ring, dressed not unlike a school teacher -- white shirt, sweater vest, khakis, and white tennis shoes -- with MCW members Krazy and Jebediah following him. He swore to the crowd that tonight, as commissioner, he would pull no bullshit and then told Diaz that there was going to be no special stipulation for his title match with Gun; in fact, Diaz needed to go back to the locker room and get ready for his match..

After Diaz left, Shasta explained the rules of the Sinful 7 match, which would be the Main Event for the evening:

The match would begin as a 7-man over-the-top battle royal.

When the 1st 3 men were eliminated, the match would become a Falls-Count-Anywhere match.

When there were 2 left, the match would then finish as a Last-Man-Standing match.

The winner of the match would become the new MEWL Hardcore Champion (the title had been vacant).

Shasta then called out all the MEWL wrestlers from the back: Supa Lucha, one of the Rootin' Tootin' Buckaroos (still don't know which one he is), Otis the Gimp, Time Traveler, Wilbur Whitlock, and Durty the Clown. He told the crowd to give them a round of applause (nice touch), then began to explain just how to qualify for the Sinful 7 match; wrestlers would have to win a qualifying match to be entered. However, there was a bit of a problem, though; they were a wrestler short to have enough qualifier matches, so as Commissioner, Shasta announced that Lones would be the only one to receive a bye -- he would automatically qualify. (Okay, another one out of left field...) He went on to set up the matches for the night:

Since there has always been the rumor that MEWL Heavyweight Champion/MCW Original Jebediah was one of the Rootin' Tootin' Buckaroos, he would face off against the Rootin' Tootin' Buckaroo tonight in a non-title match.

MEWL Cruiserweight Champion Supa Lucha would face MCW Original Krazy in a 15-minute Title Match (maybe tonight would be the night we see a winner).

Wilbur Whitlock looked to the ring and asks "What about me?" Shasta commented on Wilbur's "illustrious" career, making a name for himself by getting wins over wrestling legends like Brutus Beefcake and the HonkyTonk Man -- but Shasta added that they're all "old legends"; Wilbur was going to get a chance to try a younger MCW legend: "Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein! Wilbur didn't take this news quite well. (Hmm...I wonder why?)

Shasta then looked over the MEWL group and says, "Oh, I almost forgot...Durty..." Apparently (and I for one did not know this), Durty's one claim to fame had been being able to brag how he'd defeated MCW and CZW legend Brain Damage -- and did so 3 years ago. Tonight, there was going to be a rematch!

This didn't sit well with the grease-painted one, who suddenly decided that he'd rather go to the football game instead of being at the armory -- and lit out for the door (but not before the Sideshow caught him...).

Shasta looks to the crowd and asks, "So, how'd I do?" The round of applause from the crowd gave him his answer. I have to admit, even I was impressed.

He reminded everyone that everyone here, MCW and MEWL alike, do what they do for the crowd and the love of wrestling; "show 'em you appreciate it, and make the place sound like there's a thousand people in here!"

Whoa! All of this -- and we haven't had any matches yet!

When Pink's "So What" began to play and Jessicka Havok came storming out to the ring, I knew I'd spoken too soon.

Jessicka took the mic and announced that since Super Oprah wasn't going to be here tonight ("oh darn," I heard in the crowd -- evidently Super Oprah's got fans here in Dover) and that Jessicka had defeated every single female wrestler she'd faced, she was going to offer an open challenge to anyone "who's got the balls" to face her.

Apparently there was someone with balls -- and it was MEWL's own "Innovator of Offense" , Jazin Blaze!

As he climbed in the ring, Jessicka rolled her eyes and asked him, "C'mon, didn't I beat you enough already?" Evidently Jazin was feeling especially froggy tonight, because he looked to referee Logan Scott and told him to ring the bell.

Jessicka did her best to throw off the tempo of the match by constantly accusing Jazin of cheating, and even getting in a shot to his cojones as well, but sometimes you just can't keep a good man down, especially one on a mission like Jazin.

Even though she managed to ground him a few times, Blaze was able to rally back and catch her once with a nasty top-rope tornado DDT and then snap off a standing Shooting Star Press later on, finishing her off with what looked like a variation on an inverted DDT to score the win -- and perhaps score a place in the Sinful 7?

Jessicka, it seems, didn't take the loss with any sort of grace; she turned her wrath on Logan Scott and laid into him for several moments, leaving him semi-conscious in the ring.

[For this match, I'm awarding Jazin my "Revenge is a dish best served cold" award, for finally paying Jessicka back for all the beatings he took from her in the past, and to Jessicka, a special award -- one that I call the Jeff Jarrett "Don't let your mouth write checks that your @$$ can't cash" Award. A piece of advice from the Rev, Jess -- do be careful what you ask for, dear lady, because you never know just what you're going to get in return... ]

I finally got a pressing question answered in the next match -- it seems that it's been Rex Rootin' of the Buckaroos who's been in the ring all this time (good, at least now I don't have to keep referring to him as "the RTB").

Rex started off quickly against MEWL Heavyweight Champion Jebediah and managed to control the match for a few minutes -- and that's about all he could do; Jebediah rallied quickly, setting up Rex with a powerful sideslam and then going into a Garvin stomp (for those of you who only watch WWE's RAW, they call it ‘the Orton Stomp'), stomping all over him before finishing him off with an inverted suplex for the pinfall.

It was wrestling legend Larry Zybysko who said that wrestling is "a game of human chess", and folks, I know I've said that before, but that's the best way I can describe the ongoing battle between MEWL Cruiserweight Champion Supa Lucha and MCW Original Krazy which continued in a 15-minute Title Match -- a game of human chess, played at 110 mph. This match ended up another time limit draw -- and the chant of "FIVE MORE MINUTES" started up.

Commissioner Shasta comes to the ring and says that even though the match ended in a draw, the title didn't change hands - so Lucha's going to the Sinful 7.

But -- he went on -- since these two have now had 3 matches that have ended the same way each , on November 15th, at the Alliance National Guard Armory, it will be Supa Lucha/Krazy IV -- for the MEWL Cruiserweight Championship -- and it will be a No Time Limit match! This time, there'll be a winner!

Wilbur Whitlock (with the Sideshow in tow) found himself with more then he could handle facing off against Mr. Insanity, who went on the hunt not only after Wilbur, but the Sideshow and even the referee himself! Wilbur went on the attack early, but when he tried head-butting Toby, I knew Wilbur was doomed -- it had no effect on Toby, but gave Wilbur a headache. (Way to go, genius!)

This match was outside the ring about as much as it was inside, with the Sideshow providing maximum distraction for Wilbur. It didn't work as well as they'd hoped, because it took an airplane spin/Death Valley Driver combo for Mr. Insanity to pin Wilbur.

I must admit to a measure of anxiousness in watching the rematch between Johnny Gun and Justin Diaz for the North American title -- Gun had come so, so very close at September 2 Remember, only to lose after the match was restarted, and then won a rematch at Wicked. If he was going to win this title, he was going to have to step up his game, because he might not have another chance at the belt for some time.

Diaz started off with an early offense and maintained it for quite awhile -- until Johnny changed the tempo of the match and went on an offense of his own, a new level of offense I hadn‘t seen before, but I knew that he had in him. Justin managed to set up Johnny for an Unprettier, but out of the blue, Johnny reversed it and nailed Diaz to win the match -- and become the NEW MEWL North American champion! (Congratulations, Johnny!)

Next came Durty The Clown's match with Brain Damage. Commissioner Shasta came out for this one, and took a seat near ringside. The Time Traveler and Otis had to drag a very reluctant Durty to the ring, and had to chase him down as he tried to bail out again.(From the looks of Brain Damage, I can't really say I blame him -- I'd run too!)
Durty finally headed towards the ring, then stopped, turned and headed back to the locker room as if to say "The hell with this"; Shasta took the mic and said something to the effect of "Durty made a habit of running his mouth, and now look at him -- running like a bitch...if you're gonna talk shit, you better be able to back it up..."

Durty finally got back in the ring, only to eat a nasty hanging vertical suplex from Brain Damage that momentarily stunned him. As he was trying to get up (and remember his name, I think), Brain Damage went out of the ring, got a chair, and delivered what had to be one of the SICKEST chair shots I've ever seen!

This left the ref with no choice but to give the DQ win to Durty -- who was out colder then the can of Dr. Pepper I was drinking -- and secure him the final slot in the Sinful 7 match (for all the good it was going to do him -- he was still out).

Shasta warned the ref not to touch him -- since Durty was already in the ring, why not start the Main Event? He gave Durty the first intro, then proceeded to introduce the competitors:

First in was Lones Oaks, who'd (if you remember) been given a bye;
Next out came Supa Lucha, who was limping slightly;
Then came Jebediah, followed by;
Jazin Blaze, who "got in by beating up a girl" (NOTE: Shasta's words, not mine);
Next came Johnny Gun, who "got in by kinda beating up a girl" (Again, those are Shasta's words, not mine);
And last but not least, none other than Mr. Insanity.

The field of battle was set as Shasta reminded everyone of the rules, and with the bell, the Sinful 7 was on!

All together as one, the 6 -- who were still standing -- ceremoniously picked up Durty and dropped him over the top rope like a sack of laundry. Thanks for coming, Durty.

No sooner did Durty finally regain consciousness and wonder what the hell he was doing outside the ring, out came Brain Damage to deliver another sick chairshot -- and once more, good night, sweet prince! Durty was out again!

Johnny Gun and Supa Lucha managed to eliminate each other simultaneously, and with that, the match switched to a Falls-Count-Anywhere match -- and out of the ring it went for several minutes. Back in the ring, Jazin Blaze eliminated Jebediah by a rollup and pin, only to be eliminated himself by Mr. Insanity.

The match switched went to its third phase -- Last Man Standing.

But before it even had a chance to get fully underway, a hooded figure -- from what I saw of his face, I think it was Wilbur, but I'm really not sure -- came to the ring and nailed Mr. Insanity in the throat with a chair, dropping him like a stone. (What the hell?)

Lones got to his feet first, and the ref called the match; apparently Toby was unable to continue, thus Lones was declared the winner and the new MEWL Hardcore Champion!

I've got to give this match the "Match of the Night" Award -- I've never had the chance to see a Sinful 7 match, but I'd heard stories.

As I said at the start, this was a night for bodies hitting the floor, and hit the floor they did.

MEWL has now gained a measure of victory over MCW, taking two championship titles in one night.

What will MCW's response be?

What does the future hold as the year comes to a close ?

The answers will be found back in Alliance in 14 days...

Until then, I'm the Reverend Rogue Six, and I'll see you at ringside!